Between "Yes" and "No"

Getting to "YES" is a classic business book on the art and science of negotiations. It explores various negotiation situations and discusses ways to find common ground, expand common ground, and increase the odds of a successful outcome - i.e. getting to yes.


Of course the title assumes that the parties are not already at "YES" or at least have not realized it. If they are not at "YES", then one must assume they must be at "NO".


"NO" is the word that stops opportunity and possibility in its tracks. "NO" is a word that tests relationships. "NO" is a word that sets up barriers, ends things, shuts things down, begins confrontations, fuels arguments, disappoints, and creates uneasiness. As a result, "NO" often doesn't get said out loud. In some cultures, ethnic and business, "NO" is considered bad manners and is actively avoided not out of dishonesty but out of respect.


Of course not saying "NO" does not mean "YES". In such situations the potential for present tense disappointment and confrontation is traded for the certainty of future tense disappointment and confrontation. It introduces grayness into relationships, a high likelihood for passive aggressive behaviors, and dishonesty.


That reality is where buyer's remorse is rooted. It is where relationships become doomed. It is where growth and forward momentum is ground to a halt and where trust is eroded and lost.


"How can I believe your “YES” until I hear your “NO”?
The implied "YES" always has risks in negotiations and even in casual conversations that may not be immediately recognized as a negotiation - a reality readily evident in family relationships - "well you didn't say "no"."


If your transaction or relationship is important. If the outcome of your interaction has long term implications. If the risk of engagement is significant. ...Then, getting to "YES" and "NO" is equally important. Doing so establishes boundaries, sets up guardrails, and digs the ditches on either side of the road of engagement. It establishes the basis for trust. It shows respect for both parties - the other and yourself.


Sustainable business relationships are founded on trust. Trust is rooted in being able to take people at their word. "YES" and "NO" are liberating. They are the cornerstones of trust. Be sure you say them and listen for them in the interactions that are important to you! There is strength in the space between "YES" and "NO". Find it... exploit it.


Bob



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Performance Builders